The night before the last day of CNY, I planned the ‘speech’ I wanted to tell Guan Yin. And waking up pretty early the next morning, I followed my family to the temple at Salak Selatan to pray.
A beautiful day, it was….
When I arrived, the session of singing prayers just began. I couldn’t get a word from what were they singing. Ha! But to give my respect, I remained silent and pretended that I am listening.
I kneeled down, and began reading my speech. I didn’t cry. Because the night before I already did. And in the public as such, I didn’t want to cry.
The high ceiling of the temple was painted azure sky with white clouds. And a few little sparrows flew to the centre of the hall, in my heart, I just wished to them, next life, be a good human. Then they flew away.
In the past few days, I was wondering at myself, since when, I felt I have ‘something’ with Buddha the religion? And amazingly, the moment I stepped into the hall of the temple, I thought of when I was really young, I remembered I picked up a book about Buddha. I guess it was from that moment, I already am deeply connected with my religion. My belief. My god.
Here, it is me again, today, I am not gonna ask any questions nor 求签…. I just wanna make a few wishes.
I wish my family will be safe and healthy.
I wish Bebe and Bubu can ever have their fate entwined again. And I shall make it really clear here, I know now, in his heart, studies are so much more important. And sometimes I would dream of him. I actually don’t know if it was him missing me so much and so he appeared in my dream or maybe it was actually I have been thinking too much too much. I didn’t want to find the answer. Just let it be…. Bubu, Bebe wish that you will be happy, safe and healthy. When you are ready, I know we would get back together. Because I will be praying for the best of us. Even if, our fate are two parallel lines, it is alright. I won’t be forcing things to happen in my way, don’t even talk about, I can’t. 随缘吧…. Even in my heart, I miss you so much so much…. I love you….
I came back with two 经书….
Before I left, I still said, Bubu, Bebe lob you….
And I am, praying everyday…. Not because I want my wishes to be fulfilled. I guess not everyone will ever believe that, praying, is for the best of yourself. Your own self.
I am, growing better each and everyday. And I am so glad, for who I am today….